PILLAR 4: WHEN I STOPPED RUNNING
PILLAR 4: WHEN I STOPPED RUNNING
Someone asked me one day, “What are you running to or from?”
And I didn’t know
I didn’t meet Jesus in a church aisle
I met Him in the quiet after everything fell apart
I was just tired
Tired of running
Tired of acting like I could fix everything on my own
When everything finally went silent, that’s when the truth showed up
And that’s where He met me
There was a season where I had nothing left to protect
And for the first time in my life, I wasn’t fixing, hustling, convincing, or controlling anything
I was just empty
For years I believed I could think my way out of pain
I tried to manifest peace
Visualize healing
But the collapse taught me something I couldn’t bypass anymore
Control is not faith
And surrender is not weakness
Somewhere in that wreckage, I stopped running
I stopped bargaining
And little by little, Jesus met me there
Not with lightning
Not with shame
But with patience, mercy, and steadiness
Today, I don’t chase pageant crowns anymore
Now I chase the crown of life, which is fitting since Stefanie means crown in Greek
I am 5 years alcohol free after years of drinking 17 beers a day
I am cigarette free after smoking two packs a day
I learned how to nourish my body instead of punishing it
I learned what triggers me instead of letting them run the show
I learned how to sit with emotion instead of numbing it
I learned how to rebuild discipline without destroying myself in the process
And now I live in a little house in the middle of the woods
At first, it felt like the ending
After all the marble, the water views, the chandeliers, and the dream I loved so much
But it wasn’t the ending
It was the pause I didn’t know I needed
This was the place where I finally slowed down enough to meet Jesus
Not in chaos
Not in performance
In stillness
This little house is built better than the big one ever was
Not a draft in it
No flooding
No broken pipes
No disasters like before
It reminds me of the ark
When God shut the door behind Noah and kept him safe while the storm raged outside
That’s what this place became for me
A shelter
A holding place
A quiet protection while everything in me rebuilt
Over time, the rebuild became real
My credit score is now almost 800 because I fixed it myself, little by little
I live mortgage free now, but most people don’t, and that’s exactly why protection matters so much to me
I rebuilt my life from the inside out, not overnight and not without help from God
I learned what offends Him
I learned to ask for His will, not mine
I learned that peace is built one obedient step at a time
I swim
I work out
I eat clean because I respect the body He gave me, not because I am chasing a number
I restored relationships I once pushed away
And I made new ones with people who know the version of me Jesus rebuilt, not the one that was collapsing
I used to measure life by what glittered
Now I measure it by peace
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
John 1:5 (ESV)
And that, my friends, is enough for now
Stay close.